Authentic (part 3 or 4)
Values and Liabilities of Being Authentic
I remember sitting in a Bible College class and hearing the professor talk about the church he was leading. He spoke of the struggles, joys and privileges of being a 'pastor'. He then began to talk about the loneliness of the pastorate and leadership in general. He told stories of his experiences and then made a statement that has never left me. He said in effect, that as a leader, he could not be close friends with people in the church he lead. He said not having close friends at church was a necessary price to pay for the honor of leading. He stated that he could really only share how he felt, and the pain he experienced in church with other 'pastors' who would understand and would not use the information against him.
I remember sitting in a Bible College class and hearing the professor talk about the church he was leading. He spoke of the struggles, joys and privileges of being a 'pastor'. He then began to talk about the loneliness of the pastorate and leadership in general. He told stories of his experiences and then made a statement that has never left me. He said in effect, that as a leader, he could not be close friends with people in the church he lead. He said not having close friends at church was a necessary price to pay for the honor of leading. He stated that he could really only share how he felt, and the pain he experienced in church with other 'pastors' who would understand and would not use the information against him.
This philosophy of leadership is more wide spread than you may expect. In my 30 years of experience as a leader in the church, I would say that the fear of people using information and struggles shared with others is the driving factor in pastors/leaders being closed off in their most vulnerable areas. This causes many churches to be weak.
When this philosophy is embraced, it can set a bad tone in the church community. The tone set says being honest or authentic is dangerous and should be avoided. For many leaders and church attenders, the risk of exposure or betrayal is too high. These people choose to be disingenuous at deeper levels, distant and disconnected. The church suffers much and should not be this way.
Being authentic in vulnerable areas takes brave leaders who are more concerned with the people and their health rather than their own reputation or the pain that they may have to endure. I have experienced the pain caused by being authentic. I have been betrayed, bruised and battered by being open with my life. People have taken advantage of my exposure for their gain and it is difficult. But more than this, I have experienced the joy and freedom that comes to people who learn the beauty of being authentic and weak. Being authentic and weak takes humility, yet at the same time, gives strength to those you are pointing to Jesus.
With that backdrop, allow me to briefly share some of the values and liabilities of living a more authentic life. Being close friends with those in your church community and celebrating your life being transformed by Jesus is powerful and actually much safer than being protective of who you really are.
Values of being authentic
Being authentic lowers the bar of living for Jesus to be reachable for everyone. Instead of people striving for disingenuous perfection, they can learn to live honestly as they become absorbed in the things of Christ (1 Tim. 4:15). People learn that when they fall, as we all do, that they can get back up and move forward (Eccl. 4:9-10). The freshness of authenticity lifts the burden of having to pretend that we don't struggle. Living with the burden of pretending that one is almost perfect teaches us to live a lie and this is not how Jesus would have us be (Eph. 4:14-16). Sharing weaknesses actually takes away the power that hiding our sins holds over our hearts. Sins that are covered up only serve to cause us to live in darkness. When our sins are exposed to the light, the power of these sins actually dissipates (2 Tim. 2:21-22).
In summary, here are the three points of the above paragraph. Some of the values of being authentic allows:
- For everyone to join in because the bar of living for Jesus is lowered (this is not saying that we accept sinful ways of living [cf. Romans 6]).
- Believers permission to be themselves as they strive to be like Jesus. This causes health in people instead of unhealth.
- The burden that living a lie of perfection to be lifted (1 John 1:8-10).
Liabilities of being authentic
When we live with fresh authenticity, we risk being misunderstood. As we share our struggles, weaknesses and sins (in appropriate circumstances - some sins only need to be exposed to a few, but exposed they need to be), living authentically with our questions and failures carries the risk of betrayal. Some who pledge their love and keeping your confidence will foolishly or even innocently let slip stories from your life that you would prefer not to escape their lips. The risk of being hurt is obvious. This risk is also very potent and speaks to your courage and obedience to the principles of living honestly as a fellow struggler in the pursuit of Christ.
In summary, some of the liabilities of being authentic has the following risks:
- Being misunderstood
- Being betrayed
- Being hurt
I would love hearing your thoughts on this topic. Living authentically is a new path that the church is severely lacking at this point in history. The world is dying to know this kind of freshness. I pray you will choose to give the world the truth of His grace in the midst of your weaknesses. Let's struggle together towards becoming like Jesus.
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